The Front Row Seat To The End Of The World

Vegas Baby

2006-08-07T22:39:00.000-04:00

Yes we went to Vegas. Yes we drunk a lot and had a lot of fun. All we really did is just walked around checking out a few casinos putting money into slots so we can get free drinks then taking that money out and moving on. We saw Caesar (tastefully tacky), MGM grand (lions were cool but extremely tacky), Luxor (the tacky version of Egypt), mandelay bay (cool aquarium and only a little tacky), the venician (the tacky version of Venice including a gondola ride inside), the flamingo and barbary coast (oh so tacky and a little dirty) also New York New York (a tacky version of well...). While I was walking around the strip I was reminded of a travel review of Vegas that I saw before I left. "Las Vegas is a town where you can walk down the strip wearing a one-piece polyester safari suit and feel at home." and oh how that is true. Did I have fun? Yes. Will I go again? If the opportunity arises yes. Was I glad to leave? Yes.

my first mobile post

2006-07-26T19:03:00.000-04:00

I have now upgraded to a blackberry. So that means I can update my blog anywhere I am. This is really just a test to see how it works. I'm acutually at work so I'll put on a full post later tonight.

California trip

2006-05-07T14:16:00.000-04:00

We just returned from a four-day trip to cali. It was fun; the first day we just walked around La Jolla (or La hoya) for those not used to Spanish names. La Jolla is just a beach it was nice to walk and feel the ocean breeze again. There were also some seals on one of the beaches. It was really bizarre stepping out of our car then seeing a small colony of seals living in an area a lot like St kilda beach. Heaps of people, cars and crazies. I watch a mime yell at a guy because his kid was feeding sea gulls to close to where he was walking. For some reason something inside me found this refreshingly different. Also stopped in at the Birch Aquarium, which is small but good. After that we went to our campsite 10 min outside the cbd and crashed out. Woke up the next day to realised how burned I got yesterday, then went to the San Diego zoo where Sarah had set up a behind the scene tour, which was fantastic. Although when they found out that I was an aussie they showed us the koalas' which after I told of the ones that are out behind mum and dads place they where a little impressed. Also the senior keeper worked in aus around the strezleckis (if that’s how you spell it) and became extremely jealous of mum and dads property. We also saw the panda enclosure which was really impressive, the elephants, and we also got the tour of the reptiles which was for me the best, they had some very cool snakes, my favorite was a green mamba. They also have some tuatara, which is a New Zealand lizard that is almost extinct, but for the breeding program they have going on. After that we just wondered the zoo. If you are ever in San Diego and like animals go to the zoo it is fantastic.
The next day we woke up and released how burned I got the day before then went for a walk around San Diego cbd; we went through the gaslight district, which has old buildings and interesting stories. It sounds like at one point every second building was once a brothel, which the owners are proud of. Then we walk toward the marina and there was a small sea village a bit touristy but still cool and some good food as well. Stop in and watched a movie. It was Scary Movie 4 stupid few laughs worth the money no but we wanted to sit for a couple of hours. Went back to the campsite and crashed out.
Woke up and realised that I didn't get burned the day before, packed up camp and drove the world wildlife park, supposedly a park like werribee zoo. But alas it just wasn't up to standed although the enclosures where large but not very well maintained. And for the amount we paid (plus they made us pay for parking when their isn't anywhere to park for 10 miles around) we where expecting a lot more. After that we went to a pet store funny I know but we buy supplies from this place online all the time also we wanted to check out what snakes they had in person. So we came home with a Halloween Tree Boa, which we called Jack, after Jack the Pumpkin King. Came home crashed out and went to work the next day.

Pet's name

2006-03-23T20:39:00.000-05:00

I've decided to call my new pet chamilion, Socrates. because you can see him thinking very very hard. Most likely when his next meal will be or where he will move to next. I was thinking about calling him Descarte because when he is trying to hide you can see him think "I am a leif, I am a Lief". The referance's to Cogito ergo sum (I think, therefore I am.).

I got a new pet

2006-03-14T17:45:00.000-05:00

Yes it arrived I'm now the proud owner of a Fisher's Chameleon. I first had to build the cage from scratch. A project that I started and finished (much to the surprise of many). But I am stuck for a name and I'm willing to throw this one out to the public.

And this is the cage i built

I got tagged

2006-02-19T10:47:00.000-05:00

Ok first of all thank you Leif you sick strange man for tagging me. Secondly before I get to five weird habits, I give everyone a recap of what’s going on in my life. Well work is the same no real major complaint apart from the whole working thing. My jimmy (see hot wheels) is no more. I rear ended a guy and totaled my truck. I'm fine he was fine his ute was fine not even a sratch but my truck totaled. But I got more money through insurance than I paid for it (allot more than it was worth as well). So I could get the type of car I wanted to begin with, a ute. A ford ranger to be precise. Also I have now become an uncle. Yes my sister-in-law had her first child the other week. Don't know dates, times, or weights. So don't ask me. And that’s really all if have new well not updated anyway. On to my five weird habits.

1. I rant. Now this habit has landed me a nice job. Being able to talk about nothing while sounding like an expert is a vital tool for a person sales. However so is the ability to shut up at the right time. I seemed to have never learned that.

2. Now this does tie in with 1 but I do it in such a way that it needs its own explanation. Now when having a conversation there is a line, supposedly you are not to cross a for mention line. I do, not only do I cross but I cross it a speeds that could get me a pole position in a F1 race.

3. I have a strange obsession with dragons. I have dragon poster figurines and a tattoo of a dragon. I just like dragons’ ok.

4. I'm completely useless when building things. This in it self is not a weird habits but the fact I keep trying is really strange. When I start something I know I can do it, then just before I dive in I think "You know what’s going to happen, you'll get in over your head then just stop. So just stop now." but I don't then I end up with some half finished this sitting some where in my house.

5. This is one of my guilty pleasures. I like watching Gilmore girls. Ok I know what your thinking, but its actually funny and plus their hot.

Now I know I'm suposed to tag someone else but the stupidity stop with me. That didn't come out right. oh well.

One of the Stupidest things I have ever done (even if it was alot of fun)

2005-12-27T11:38:00.000-05:00

Ok, I'll set the stage, inside a huge bar with friends when one of the more inebriated people asks if I would ride the mechanical bull. I said, only if you will. Stupid mistake number one, so the next thing I know we’re paying $5 and signing a piece of paper. I asked what it was, the woman replied "If you die you can't sue me." Great! So up I get it started slow and about 6seconds later there's me in full flight heading of the mattress. The mattress is soft no damage done there, next go same thing the only damage I noticed right then was a slight pain in my legs.
The next day I had trouble getting out of bed because there are 2 huge bruises on the inside of my thighs. Stupid, stupid me although I got of light another friend had to call in sick because he bruised his left testicle. So the moral is even if its fun to ride you might regret it the next day.

Catch Up (or my third and fourth run in with police)

2005-11-20T10:54:00.000-05:00

Ok these were about a week apart, the third was really just a party was a little loud and the police just walked up and told us to keep the noise down. The funny thing is it was at Halloween (pics of me in costume will follow shortly). So I think the cop was put a little off guard when a 6'4" zombie with an Aussie accent told the no worries. The fourth was a little different. The party was at the same house as the last run in but just people getting drunk. So I was trying to get a 300 pound gay guy up off the ground so he could continue vomiting in the backyard instead of the front. I did notice that someone with dreadlocks, a little to drunk, was walking away. I thought he was going home, didn't think much of it at the time. Plus I had a lot on my hands. About 10 or 15 mins later I see a flashlight shining over the back fence. I go to investigate and there's 3 cops investigating the ally along the backfence.
"Have you seen a naked guy with dreadlocks running around"
"No"
"He’s about 5'10" to 6' tall"
Resist the temptation to say "oh no but I saw a 3' naked guy about 5mins ago"
Really say "no but I'll tell all the girls to keep an eye open"
Silence
Silence with the coppers looking at one another
"Ok if you see him call us"
So I run inside to recount the story there is the naked dreadlocks guy asking has anyone seen his clothes. I tell him he left with them on and he better stay inside because the cops are looking for him. After that not much happened apart for naked guy and his friend having to be separated because the almost had a fight and the grass court fire.

Grand Canyon

2005-10-23T12:58:00.000-04:00

The Grand Canyon was, well, grand. Its big, real big, so big you cannot even describe. We spent the day going from look out to look out and then spent watching sunset drinking a bottle of red. Then the next day we went to Sadona and Jerome, which are quaint little towns. The n we moved on to Montezuma’s castle that is a dwelling built into a cliff face around 1350 ad by some natives. Pictures will follow in later posts.

My Bro is coming to town

2005-10-19T22:22:00.000-04:00

Yes Leif the creator of the acclaimed (in his own head) blog Something To Look Forward Too is visiting for about a week. So look out Phoenix we're out to paint the town vomit green. Also with a quick trip to the biggest hole in the world the Grand Canyon. So with a bit of luck maybe with a bit of luck I’ll have a third adventure involving police.

The Great Tortoise Escape

2005-10-10T22:50:00.000-04:00

There was excitement in the lunchroom,
For the word had got around,
The Galapagos Tortoise had got away.

Ok the blatant plagiarizing will stop now, but yes a giant tortoise had escaped from its enclosure at the phoenix zoo. No one is exactly sure how it got out but human involvement is believed to be involved (Personally I think it was four teenage ninjas rescuing a brother). The zoo staff was quick to respond, well quicker than a tortoise anyway and four staff members lifted it back into the enclosure.

Ok I'm back

2005-10-05T23:11:00.000-04:00

Sorry about the long wait between posts. I really just haven’t had much to say. Just quickly thanks to all that sent me birthday wishes. Much appreciated. And to Jed I tried to reply to your email but for some reason it won't go through. News over here is about the same. Work has finally pushed me to the edge. With me working in three different locations in the last month. So I went out and had an interview with the corporate store of the mobile phone Company that I sell right now. The only difference is I will only work 5 days a week instead of 6 and the days I get off are together. Still waiting on a call back should be by Friday. The other thing is our friend from Michigan (see post My first adventure with police) is know moving to Arizona and is looking to move into the same apartment complex that we are living in so prepare for some crazy stories to come.

Here's to my Family

2005-09-08T22:24:00.000-04:00

My family is an interesting bunch especially in an emergency. For example my dad just recently broke his leg quite badly about 3 or so days ago (not exactly certain on the date as no one thought that was important). So you would expect an email explaining what happened when and how bad. Nope all I got was an email from one of my brothers saying dads broken his leg and has been sent to hospital and I forgot to call for father’s day. Which I hadn’t I just got stuck at work and because of time difference couldn't call till Monday US time or Tuesday Aus time. That’s it, so I tried to call home. No answer, mum was staying at my aunts place and couldn't call to reassure her son that everything’s ok because that’s long distance call and that’s expensive. So a day goes by and mum finally sends me an email to say everything’s ok dad just needs some plates or pins in his leg or something, it was rather vague, also a note to explain why she can't call (i.e. being stuck a my aunts). So I call my aunts place to talk and get the full story. Dad’s ok annoying doctors and nurses constantly complaining that he wants' a smoke, usual dad stuff. I relax ok everything’s find; me still thinking it’s a straight forward brake no dramas. But no my mother sends me another update this one just happens to mention that the hole that was made when the bone broke though the skin might be infected and he has to go to surgery to get it fixed. Now let me recap my farther broke his leg so bad that he had bone protruding from his body and no one seems to think this important enough to tell me except in passing. Oh yeah it been 3 days and the wound won't stop weeping. Now to put this in perspective my mother would tell me the smallest mundane detail about anything else (which I don't mind since I'm on the other side of the world). But a gaping wound in the side of my fathers' leg gets a small footnote in an email. And my other brother hasn't even emailed me anything. So here's to my Family that can make the little seems big and the big seem small.

Moral Dilemma Over

2005-09-02T10:59:00.000-04:00

I no longer have to deal with the whole situation because my manger that was transferred out was transferred back. So I instead got transferred to a store where I and one other will be the lead sales rep and there will be no manager directly over us. I am now in control. Well, only half in control but that's about normal for me anyway.

Moral Dilemma

2005-08-31T12:58:00.000-04:00

Ok the company I work for seems to have a habit of hireing well arrogant immature idiots. For me that’s no problem because I no how to handle them also I know more about my job than the rest of the fools. So I don't have to rely on them for help but here is the problem. My company hires allot of people on a regular basis. Due to the fact not many people don't meet their mold. So those that don't either quit or those that hang on, since the paychecks are big, get fired. Now my dilemma is that one new hire called L, who probably isn't one who will stay, got left behind by himself to close the stand. The reason I found out this is that I arrived early for a meeting (one full day early). So I stayed and help L close. Now the reason L was left behind was because J(erk) had stuff to do. Now the closing procedures are lengthy and it is easy to forget how to do things. Such as logging in sales, stock count which is done morning and night. So J was selfish and stupid for leaving L alone. So do I inform my manager about the fact that J is taking advantage of L? Now my manager transferred in J from an another store. So both J and my manager are friends. Now as I said earlier L probably won't stay long but he could be really good with some help, which he is only receiving from me. So do I inform my manager or do I just sit back. Another problem is that there are only 6 of us at this kiosk so if I do tell they will all know who did it. Now J is also friends with the other two employees. I just don't know what to do.

I'm Back (aka second run in with police)

2005-08-14T15:09:00.000-04:00

Ok, sorry for the long wait for a new post. Been a little busy with moving. Ok the drive down was as good as 3 and a half days driving could be. No major problems, until we arrived in Arizona that is. Driving along not speeding (I was towing a heavy trailer otherwise, voom) then all of a sudden, red white and blue lights in my side mirrors. I pull over, and remember when I checked the taillights in the morning; both blinkers and brake lights were working but no night-lights. So, I sit and await my fate as the police officer runs my plates (standard procedure). The officer approaches my window, I think what the hell lets slap on a really heavy, i.e. bad, Aussie accent. With a G'day and couple no worries the Aussie boy got off with a warning. The ironic thing is even if I got a ticket the lovely people at Uhaul would have paid for it for me. Personally I think they should credit me for saving them money but the uhaul guy didn't think so.

Moving to Phoenix

2005-07-21T09:33:00.000-04:00

Yes, that’s right. Phoenix here we come. Sarah has finally been offered a job in the Phoenix zoo as an aquarium and reptile expert. So we'll be moving on the 8th Aug take 3 days to drive (it can be done in less but we're taking our time) and she'll start her job on the 15th. I however am waiting on my transfer paperwork to go through so I can also start work down there on the 15th.

Arizona here we come.

Movie review

2005-07-17T19:16:00.000-04:00

Willy Wonka and the Chocolate factory.

Great, superbly bizarre. Johnny Depp is his usual weird self and Tim Burton excellent direction as always. Although the ompa lompas, if that’s the spelling, weren't as good as they could have been. Still its one of the must see movies of the year.

Pics of truck

2005-07-13T19:14:00.000-04:00

Hot Wheels

2005-07-09T12:18:00.000-04:00

I went out and crossed over to the dark side yesterday. I went out and bought a toorak tractor, or as the yanks call it a SUV. The model a 1999 GMC Jimmy, it is considered a small suv, when you compare it to the size of all the others yes it is, but its is still very large. Also thanks to my new job which has trained me in sales I was able to nock a grand of the price so $5500 was the final price.
The best part is I got the slt mode, which has all leather interior, moonroof, climate control, CD plus more. The best part is the space in the back is huge. If you drop the rear seats you have as much room as a ute. Photos of this yank tank will follow shortly.

Turn Your loved one From Vegtable to Mineral

2005-07-02T14:08:00.000-04:00

How can you do this? Simple, just gather the cremated ashes of your loved ones and send them to LifeGems, where they’ll turn the one most precious to you into a precious stone. Turn the one you love the most and change them into a diamond. "How many LifeGem diamonds can a family choose when they've lost a loved one?" The answer is many, in fact, more than 50 1ct. LifeGem diamonds could be created from one individual. (A statement from LifeGems website www.lifegem.com). So why have that ugly urn on the mantle when you can have this beautiful stone on your finger or on a necklace, maybe even on a nipple ring. And of course don’t forget your pets.

I Hate Customers

2005-06-29T17:25:00.000-04:00

This isn't a good thing since I get paid on commission. Why I hate customers really came to the full today. Now my job primarily consists of greeting people, today I asked a passer-by. "Is that a (insert phone company here) phone?” the reason being that if it was the same as the one my company is a dealer for we could of got him not only a free phone but also a $20 mail-in rebate. So in effect we were offering him $20 to take a phone. Did this gentleman accept this great plan? No, did he decline not quite. What he did after me asking the initial question was to yell at me for being a "huckster" like the ones in San Francisco also while telling me he is going to get me fired. Which is even more amusing because it was my manager that told me to greet him. So no this guy had no restraint, no manners and no brains. This is why I hate customers.

The case of the missing cat

2005-06-25T22:44:00.000-04:00

Ok, we lost a cat for 2 and a half days. Whats worse the cat is an indoor cat and for a we new never left the basement because of the big scary dog (pit bull huskie cross). Now we started looking for the cat yesterday. We searched high and low, every room twice. Still couldn't find her. Up untill 4:30 pm today when my farther-in-law found her in his computer room scared out of her fur. Also she wouldn't budge until sarah or I returned from work. So the stress from the last two days has been lifted.

The first adventure that Involes Police

2005-06-21T22:33:00.000-04:00

Ok, this actually happened the day after the non-move to Vermont. We went out for drinks to say there are no hard feelings. We all had a nice long drink and then parted ways, Maggie went off to her friends for a few more drinks and we went back to the flat (we still had two days to move out). Me being the Aussie that I am continued drinking. At around 10pm there was a knock at the door. Sarah walks up to see who it was because by this stage walking was a problem for me. She opens the door and what do you know there were three, count them three, police asking for Maggie. Now I should explain even though Maggie lived with us she wasn't on the lease, so she didn't really live there.
Ok, now Sarah’s at the door trying to dodge the question that Maggie does stay here but she really isn't living here. They ask to come in Sarah lets them, they enter to see me on the couch, full of more than my share of alcohol beverages. Now the questions the started to ask were along the line of,
Does Maggie take any drugs?
Yes Painkillers for a bad back.
Has she suffered from depression?
No more than anyone else.
Has she been in an argument with anyone recently?
Ahhhh, not that We know of.
My brain goes into panic mode. We've made Maggie suicidal. Oh no I'm going to jail, no wait I'm going to get deported. Ahhhhhhhhhh. My body fortunately was about half an hour behind so it wasn't obvious yet.
Do you know her license plate?
My voice pipes up "No but she has some bumper stickers."
Ok what are they?
"Don't blame me I voted for Kerry" and "Stop pissing me off I've run out of places to hide the bodies".
Six sets of eyes just stare at me. Bugger.
Just at that moment Maggie calls to invite us out clubbing. Sarah duly hands the phone over and lets the police talk to her. Now Maggie is forever driving drunk just as she was on this fateful day. The police ask to see here, she asks why, they say that’s because her mother is worried about her health, i.e. she’s suicidal. Maggie says she’s fine. Polices say we still would like to see her to make certain.
The police at this stage are getting suspicious until Maggie agrees to come home so they could talk to her.
My body has court up to my brain just as the police say sorry for interrupting. They leave and meet Maggie in the parking lot and then apologies for ruining her night, then continue on protecting doughnut shops and cafes.

Why were the police so worried? Apparently Maggie got in to a fight with her mother. So her mother called the cops and said that Maggie was suicidal just to get back at her.

Me thinks it was a good idea not to move to Vermont.

My mother-in-laws Basement part II

2005-06-17T22:02:00.000-04:00

Ok I was going to write a huge epic long saga about all the annoying stuff that happened in the Consulate in Sydney but its time for me to move on (plus if I start I might not stop). Needless to say I didn't have a good time. So I finally receive my visa in May naturally enough I fly out ASAP. After a lovely 22 hours in the air with a night stop over in Tokyo I arrive into the lovely arms of my wife. Now her roommate and her had decided to move to Vermont from Michigan. I didn't care where I lived so I was cool with it. This is where it really got ugly. After spending a week trying to find a place in Vermont we found somewhere to move to and had sent the checks. The next day Sarah and aforementioned roommate have a huge fight. A real big one! The following morning we all agree although we are friends we could not live together and stay friends. So we're all good about this one small problem the apartment we're in has already been released. Where else do you go when in this situation? Your parents! And that is why I am in my mother-in-laws basement.

My Job

2005-06-13T23:59:00.000-04:00

I just want to have a little rant about my job. I am now no longer a wireless consultant (some guy that sells mobile phones) but an "assistant buyer". I would like to ask what the hell that is supposed to mean and which middle management moron thought it up. Ok yes I sell phones and yes I actually have ethics (which really isn’t helping my commission). So I can happily live with being a wireless consultant even though I’m just a sales rep. But an assistant buyer, please no one I have come across actually believes that crap. What’s worse when they hear it they know I'm fighting for the sale and leave (which hurts even more than my ethics). So I'm putting a big FU to the idiot, who got paid six figures plus, for coming up with that management vomit.

My mother-in-laws Basement part I

2005-06-10T22:33:00.000-04:00

Why am I writing about my mother-in-laws basement, because that’s where my wife and I are living for the moment. Why am I living in her basement I here you ask (I have good ears). Well in order to completely tell the whole story I have to go back to before I left Aus.
So in august of last year my American bride moved back home to prepare for my arrival in what we were guessing early to mid Jan. Which was perfect because my lease would end on Jan 17th. So Jan 17th approaches and I discover that my visa application was going to be delayed. Great, so I called my landlord and ask if I can go onto a month to month lease. The response came back in the negative so what do you do in a situation like this? Move into your parents’ house. Since it was going to be for what I thought would be a short time what the hell. Now imagine that if you got in your car and drove 2 hours away from the city your in to a town with about 2000 people in it. Then drove 15 minutes north, turn left onto a dirt track and then drive another 3kms down that. You would have some idea where I had to move too.
Now by the time I had moved to my parents’ house, which by the way operated by solar panels and gas out of bottles, my wife had found an apartment and a job. Now was my visa in sight? No, that would mean organization on the part of the U.S consulate in Sydney.
So I decide to call the consulate to find out what was going on. They were waiting on a form to be sent in signed by my wife. Now this form had already been sent in to the visa center in America. Any sensible human being would think that these two places would communicate between each other, but alas it would not be so. This small error was solved with lot of begging on my part to get these two parties to communicate. I had to drive to Sydney to do this (a 13 hour drive from where I was living).
Around late march I was informed of my interview in Sydney.

To be continued....

Welcome to My Rants

2005-06-10T22:16:00.000-04:00

I welcome you all to my blog of my rants and ravings. My name is Brett Cooper, I am an Australian living in America. I am here for reasons that will be explained in later postings but for now all you need to know "its for the view."